I hate when people say money doesn’t buy you happiness. it does. it buys you financial stability, a nice house, nice cars, nice vacations and trips, healthier food, a better education, etc. like wearing burberry while driving around in an audi would probably make me pretty happy too. but it’s just that rich people often take their comfortable lives for granted and end up being spoiled and ungrateful for what they have
seriously considering filling my pockets with glitter and whenever someone near me says something really stupid or rude i’ll just reach into my pocket with a dead expression and release the glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of stupid
Hi, about your son with Autism, i think you should try to acceopt him for the way he is. I don't have autsim, but I know someone who is and i think you should just learn to accept it.
You “know” someone with Autism. You do not live it. This is my life 24/7, I do accept my sons Autsim, but it does not mean I romanticize it. I will say it over and over that I HATE that he has it, even if that will not do anything, but I fight to help him on a daily basis. So again. I accept the fact he has it, I have no choice, but I HATE IT for what it does to him. I will leave it at that, I explained his Autism in previous posts.
I only wish that there would be miracle for my boy. That one day he’ll wake up and just say “Good morning mom and dad”. Hell he can say “hey bitch” and i will just drop down with tears of joy. I know his autism will never leave, but I hope that he will eventually progress with it. It kills me seeing him struggle, I push and push to help him, but I am only one person. I have so much going on I don’t even know where to begin. I am losing myself beyond measure and I do not think there is anything anyone can do or say anymore. My only focus is just trying to get my son on track so he can live a good life. I honestly am losing touch with family and the only little friends I have only because I just don’t have any desire to talk with anyone. I hate that I am like this, but this is just who I am. I always tell them if this behavior of mine is too much for them, then let me go. Maybe I need to seek out professional help again or maybe it’s these pills I been taking, I don’t know, but lately I have been so depressed to the point I just feel dead inside. Every 10 minutes I feel like I am on a roller coaster and that, I know is my anxiety. I have urges of just running outside and screaming at the top of my lungs, I have this constant adrenaline rush where I have these crazy images in my head and the urge to just bash someones fucking skull in, but then I look at my lil terrors, and it all changes. They are my life and I do not want them to see me like this. I just don’t know anymore. Everyday I am either crying, or raging, or cleaning. my fiance is an asshole but atleast he is there, he can piss me off but what relationship is perfect, but he does things too that drives me crazy. I am always helping and helping but feel like, right now, I have nothing to offer and I need to be left alone to deal with it. I became this way because in my past, I always thought I needed someone to talk to, but when I needed people the most, they never were there and I hate rejection. So as I grew, so did my walls, and now, I rather be left alone so I won’t set myself up for more grief than I am in already. I wish my grandmother was still here. I’d be there right now. She was my sole confidant
There are about a select few I know, who actually think of others and can understand their pain. Even when they are suffering themselves, they can still manage to be there for another when needed, I myself, am one of them people, so it really bothers me when I see a person who is Just all about “ME,ME,ME.” Like seriously bitch, would you like some cheese to go with that whine?? I am only one person, I make it very clear when I become close to someone, I like my alone time, I sometimes want to be left alone. It does not mean I love you any less or don’t wanna be around you, it’s just I have so many battles I am trying to fight, and I find it better when I deal with them myself. I should not have to explain myself to anyone about my problems. I am a soldier man, I deal with them. Especially when I create a problem for myself, than I need to deal with it alone, I created it alone so It is up to only me to fix it. I don’t expect shit from anyone, I never really ever call anyone about my problems, shit I rarely ever call in general. That is just me, and again like I said, I tell this to everyone I become close with, so it should not be no surprise if you do not hear from me in weeks. Now if that is too much for anyone to handle or they deem it toxic, than please exit the way you came. i will not change who I am for anyone. This has always been me from day one. Maybe it’s my anxiety I do not know, but there was a time I bend backwards and tried to make effort to call or talk, but I always got the shit end so I thought to myself, why the fuck am I changing who I am to please someone, when all they do is bullshit me about how busy they are all of the time and make excuses, so I stopped and went back to me, how I always was. Now that the tables turned back to original, It can’t be handled. At this point, my walls are built so high, I don’t give a fuck about the self centered bullshit people anymore, because in the end, you’re going to be alone. You’ll be buried alone or burned alone. No one will be in your coffin with you, no will get cremated with you. It will only be yourself. I will help others but never over my dignity because of past experiences. Sorry for this long vent, I just had some shit on my chest.