So got back from the neurologist and I am not at all happy about anything. They made him seem like such an outcast and It really makes me upset. First off she wants to medicate my 4 year old son with Risperdal, and then have the nerve to suggest institutionalizing him because of his rage attacks and his aggression, but come on, What the fuck? I will never in a million years give up on my son or give him to some fucking institution where they will turn him into a lifeless zombie. Yes he is hard at times to handle but he is mine, my baby boy and I will never give up on him. I am just so fucking broken right now. I am trying so hard to find him help and it seems whenever I have my hopes up, I get shot right back down, but fuck me it is about him. All i can do is keep on moving forward. I also wanna say I am so grateful for my fiance, Gene, without him I’d be lost. He is such a good dad, and we been by each others side through this whole thing, yes we have had our fair shares of fights, but we are a strong ass couple. We grew even stronger through all this.
IF SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL BAD FOR THE BANDS YOU LISTEN TO OR THE WAY YOU TAKE YOUR COFFEE OR HOW YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR OR WHAT YOU WEAR OR THE WAY YOUR LAUGH SOUNDS THEN FUCKING DROP THEM LIKE THE PIECE OF SHIT THEY ARE AND GO FIND SOMEONE WHO THINKS YOUR LAUGH SOUNDS LIKE THE BEST GODDAMN SONG THEY’VE EVER HEARD AND OFFERS TO MAKE YOUR COFFEE FOR YOU AND THINKS YOU DRESS LIKE ART
Good news finally our way, My son is going to see his neurologist Monday, no waiting since he is considered high priority. We needed to hear this news from all the shit we been going through. Things have gotten so bad, even this morning I was trying to get him ready for school and he punched the side of my head 3 times. I slapped his hands but felt bad cause he doesn’t realize his strength. This is not an easy life, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. My mom came by yesterday for support, I been holding in so much I needed to release, she is the only one I feel I can release too right now. I feel very exhausted and lifeless at the moment, this year has been a very low point for us, and I understand things will only get worse as he grows older, but nothing is stopping me from having a bit of a miracle. I want the best for my baby. Nothing but the best. I was also supposed to have some family meeting cause of the issues that been going on with my sister and all these lies, I said flat out that I have some real problems to deal with, I know longer care about them petty issues people create for themselves, I am just tired of the bullshit, not just from her, majority lately. I also can not stand how she does not even make effort to check on her son to see how he been. I have no filter, I will speak my mind. I am to much of a good, honest, loyal, sincere person to be fucked with and will have no problem telling you how I feel.
Please read if you follow me...Mainly new followers
I will only post this one time, To all those that choose to follow my blog, mainly the new followers, If I wanna rant, vent, complain, whine, or post journal entries, that’s my choice and if it bothers you, then un-follow me cause You will see it often.Yes I have children, One has Autism and yes you will see posts about it because this is my personal space and I have followers who can relate to some of things that I endure in my life. I actually had people write and say i am an inspiration. I am not on here as some fake ass blogger trying to get likes or follows, what you see on my blog is me or the stuff I have always been into or I find interest in. I don’t post shit for others interests or approval. I POST FOR MYSELF. I don;t care whether one likes this or that. This is me, my place to do what I want freely without worrying about bullshit. So stop writing me on anon asking me why I post this or that. Why I talk about my sons Autsim, etc. that shit is ignorant. Yes I am having a hard time in my life right now, I will eventually get over it, I handle it my own fucking way, unless I ask for advice. I thank those who have been true to my blog from day one, I consider you guys all friends, if I didn’t have such fucked up social issues Id reach out too half of you, cause many of you are so damn unique, amazing, strange and beautiful.
Today, my fiance finally seen what it is I go through when my son has his rage attacks. It has gotten worse. I am setting up an appointment with his neurologist again to seek help, my son literally tried to bite his fingers off. It took my fiance and I both to restrain him. I just don’t know what to do anymore, but I won’t give up. If anyone who has an Autistic child who had gone through this know anything I can try so he will not do this again, please inbox me. I can’t wrapped them cause of his sensory issue, and he will not allow me to put mittens on…..
“Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to. You only need to depend on yourself, so get the fuck over it, move on and get your shit together.”—The best advice I was given when I was 18. Also the first line was from one of my favorite movies, Dolores Claiborne, with Kathy Bates and Jennifer Jason Leigh.